“So now he really knows what he wants, this is the key” – I heard this another day and it made me think how do we know that we “really” want something?
And the answer I found in one of the articles of Mark Manson.
Mark Manson, NYTimes bestselling author, blogger and internet entrepreneur raises the important question: what risks and struggle are we willing to take in order to get what we want, in order to be where we want to be?
If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.
Indeed, we all want all the best for us, we all want to be happy, but the positive is the side effect of handling the negative.
Mark shares his thought that, we want to start our own business or become financially independent. But we don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless we find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.
And yes, Mark Manson mentions, that everybody wants to have an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.
What we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.
It is important to know what do we want first. And then to question this, then to be honest with ourselves and identify what struggle we are willing to sustain.
I invite you to think about your dream, about something that you really want and ask yourself – what are you doing towards getting there? Maybe this is just a fantasy and you are dreaming about final results?
I asked this question myself as well. I really wanted to start the coaching school, but I asked myself – am I ready to do this investment and refuse some of my yearly trips for example? Am I ready to have some weeks with no weekends, because there are times that during the entire weekend we practice? Am I ready for all this or this is just a nice idea that I have, a fantasy to become a professional coach and help people to get the best out of them? I decided to go for this and become closer towards what is important for me.
And if I ask you – what is that you really want? (the first step is to listen to yourself and to define this, it might be an interesting process to start listening to ourselves).
Once you have the answer, another question for you – what costs and risks are you willing to take? Mark Manson adds another question – what pain are you willing to sustain in order to get this?
It is up to us to decide what do we choose, at least we can be honest with ourselves every time we “really” want something and be ready to take the costs of the benefits we want to have.
So what is that you really want? Do you feel you are getting there? If not, maybe it’s worth to ask ourselves again – do we “really” want this that much?
As always, happy to read your thoughts, your ideas and whatever you would like to share.
Happy week ahead!