99 percent of everything what is happening in our life – depends on us. This was the favorite quote of my Leadership course teacher. And then I would always ask him: “Really? And what about the factors that do not depend on us? Outside factors that affect us but we have nothing to do with it, such as natural disasters, diseases and other people reactions, decisions and evaluations that affect us?”
Do you think that we are responsible for what is happening with us?
Lets imagine 2 circles, one inside the other, where the black one indicates which part is the part that we control – our responsibility circle. How big is the first one?
In this example we can see that the black one forms the biggest part of the main circle. The black one is something that we take responsibility for. And the rest of it, white zone – everything that falls outside of our control. Everything that does not depend on us.
My question to you is – how big is your ¨black circle¨?
The bigger your black circle is, the more responsibility you take about everything what is happening in your life.
Now, imagine this. You have been working on something very important, something that matters to you, your project, presentation, book or performance – it can be anything that you are currently working on and it will be presented to the experts, since this is a competition, contest or something where you can win, or you can loose. What are the possibilities that you will win if your ¨black circle¨ forms the biggest part of the main circle? Probably high, because you took the responsibility to prepare, to spend a lot of time on creating something unique, you did your best this time. However, there are still possibilities that you won’t get anything, since opinion of the experts falls outside your control.
As a personal example I could give you the following: participating in the speech contest. There are always contestant and judges, that evaluate the speech and choose the best ones. But one question – does the speech become less significant if you have not been selected as a winner? After the contest the most important are the amazing words that we receive as speakers on how inspiring and unique it was. Evaluation and decision of judges in this case falls outside our responsibility. Because the “black circle” is our preparation, our passion and time that we spend on practicing. Outside of it – is something that we cannot control. We can influence – yes (with our great preparation), but the results – is not the ¨black circle¨ anymore.
So why do we get so frustrated or sad about something that is outside of our control?