The Menu Is Not The Meal

What do you think – is it 6 or 9? Is it 4 or 3?

Do we have at all the correct answer here? And who would define the correct one? Ourselves, right?
These are our daily life experiences. Our own perception of the world, which does not coincide with the view and perception of others.
Why he or she simply cannot understand me? Why is it so difficult every time we have our meetings? I know that I am right, because I see the exact picture of what is happening. But wait for a second – do we see the exact picture of what is happening? Perhaps this is our own picture, not the reality? Or maybe something that is good for us, might be not that exiting for the other?

The map is not the territory.

Our own mental map illustrates the differences between beliefs and reality.
I remember my parents giving me to practice some maths while I was a teenager – what a nice way to enjoy your free time? 🙂 This was until they realized that I am more useful writing essays rather than spending hours doing maths. Realizing that our worlds are different made a huge change.
How do we have our maps created? Our maps are created based on the information we receive since we are a child. However, this information can be based on possibilities or limitations. We are not responsible for something that we got in our childhood, for the false messages that we have been gifted, as kids we accept everything, taking it “as a truth”. However as adults, we can choose which way to continue: possibilities or limitations.
What would be an internal map based on possibilities? Qualities that we possess. A great example would be – optimism, energy, patience, sincerity. The list is endless.
An opposite, internal map based on limitations? Our beliefs based on judgement, fears, need to control, lack of confidence, perfectionism, self-demanding. The list again, is endless.
The first step is to identify our own reactions to situations and people, our own beliefs. Do we have our maps based on fears? Limitations? Or in majority of cases, we respond out of our possibilities?
The second step is to accept that in every conflict situation, each of us has its own reality.


I would like to give you a small homework (not maths, I promise:)

  1. Make a list of your possibilities – what are these unique  qualities that define you? Try to find out about 10-15.
  2. Make a list of your limitations – what are your false messages that you keep believing until now?
Now, once you have both lists, remember situations where you disagree on something that was happening (conflict, something that made you sad, etc.) – which of the above list did you apply?
Try to change it in your mind first. Ask yourself – how the situation would look like if instead of fear, you rely on your hard-working and willing to learn? If instead of perfectionism you apply gratitude and optimism?
As always, in case you want to share with me your observations, thoughts on the above exercise – would be great!
Did you see some repetitive patterns throughout your life? Maybe you find out more than 15 positive qualities? Which ones help you in your every day life? Is it something that you discovered and will try to make some meaningful corrections to your map?
I would like to know the results of your homework!
With love,

2 thoughts on “The Menu Is Not The Meal

  1. Thank you, Jelena!
    I practised this exercise. I want to say it is a good way to change our inner world and our daily things!


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