Create Your Resilience Pillars

resilience pillarsEvery time I see more and more people who decide to make an important change in their lives. Some of them decide to start their own business, some of them decide to take a career break or simply consider leaving their current jobs because they do not feel motivated or valued. Somehow I think we become more conscious of what we want and why we do what we do.
Whatever happens currently in your life and whatever decision you are about to take, there are certain pillars that can help you to keep up and to face the unexpected situations. We all need some kind of pillars that would help us to keep up with our new project, idea or unexpected situation.
Psychologist distinguishes several of so called “resilience pillars”. The ones that we might want to remember when we want a change in our lives or the change is inevitable and comes without our invitation. What are these pillars?

1. Seeing the situation as opportunity.

“I am heading towards something completely new”. This means that we cannot have guarantees when we start something, this means that the way we used to think does not apply for tomorrow.

2. Constructive and nutritive relationships.

Surrounding ourselves with people who will be happy for us, who inspire us and can give us advises if needed. These are people that need to be in our life.

3. Adequate perception of reality and decision making.

What is happening and how do I feel about it? Being honest and listen to ourselves, being realistic as well. We know a lot of success stories and many books written on how people radically changes their lives, but do we know the entire story? What worked for them, does not necessarily will work for you.

4. Proactivity.

Being proactive means making small actions every day towards our goal. Converting every day to small victory.

5. Self-esteem.

“I am the one making decisions and I am the actor of this play”. At this point is important to evaluate what is what we want and what we can do in this particular situation.

6. Positive thinking.

This is not about staying “always happy”. This is about identifying how we feel and what are the barriers that prevent us from feeling good. What prevents us from positive thinking, our inner voices of “I cannot, everything I do does not work, etc.” – this is what we need to eliminate if we want to start doing something different.
Maybe you have something else that drives you and keeps motivated, or helps making important decisions? Identify this and add this to your resilience pillar’s list.

 

On the other hand, below are some of the emotional states that we should avoid:
1. Sense of obligation. Magic happens when we replace “I need” with “I want”.  Instead of  “I need to find a new job”,  “I want to find a new job”.
2. Complain. “How unfair the current situation is”. We tend to evaluate other people, however lets remember that we cannot change others and the way they think, we can only change our attitude towards the situation.
3. Guilt. “I am guilty for what is currently happening”. This is what damages our self-esteem and this is completely toxic, because it gets us nowhere. There is no solution behind, however  is a powerful stopper for us.
And there are much more, all these emotional blocks that we tend to listen and in most of cases we find excuses instead of taking responsibility of what is happening in our lives. What else you would add to this list?
The above is just a guidance for you, create your own resilience pillars, the ones which will help you to keep up with your idea, new decision and lead you to where you want to be.

With love,

Jelena


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